Twigfight
by hotpinkbabes
Summary: Izzy Swan from Forks, Washington had just moved to Phoenix, Arizona. The first thing she saw was sexy Eddy McColon. This is a story of his and her relationship.. teehee, have fun
1. Chapter 1

Hello, my name is Isabella Red Sparkle Flower Swan, but like, I go by Izzy and I am loved by the best man in the world. He has caramelly hair with red, gold, blonde, yellow, brown, and ginger tints to it, and gorgeous golden eyes that turn black when he is hungry. He likes to wear pale white foundation on his face, with black eyeliner, to make his eyes pop. He's a emo prep. We are so and totally in love. I always kiss him when I can and all these fucking posers always tell us to get a room, but I just stick my middle finger at them and go back to making out with him. THEY DON'T GET IT! When people are like, in love, they always want to french and stuff. Like, you know, doing it. But sadly, my boy toy doesn't want to do it until a full moon. He tells me that it will be better then. What a PREP! Ugh! I want to fuck him, but I can't because I have to wait?! What am I? Some sort of thing that he can show off and then not fuck?! But, I still love him and he's mine… I think he's just afraid that he might fuck me to death.

Anyway, this is what I look like, I am ssooo hot. So I have, like, golden blonde hair that reaches my waist in gentle waves, kind of like cinderella or something. Bright green eyes like grass, and long black eyelashes. Everybody always tells me how sexy I am, but I don't believe them, cuz I'm like, only hot. Not sexy. I also like to wear a lot of white, cuz that means pure, and pink cuz pink is hot too.. especially hot pink.. hot pink is just… hot!

Anyway, I live in Phoenix Arizona. I moved here just a little bit ago because my dad fucked another chick and my mom divorced him. Anyways, it always, like, raining here and there's never any sun. My boyfriend likes that cause he, like, sparkles and shit… Sometimes, when the sun does come out, and he walks around without his shirt on, cuz like, he's so hot when he does that, eww! Not that way, only cuz its warm or something, but anyway, I like looking at like, his abs and stuff. He like, totally has the V thing going on. Its so hot, but not like, that way. But I do was to fuck him… Like, hard….. And like, on a rock.

So today I woke up on the floor next to my bed; I had a bad dream about how he didn't orgasm while we had sexx… I KNOW! That is like… Horrible! And don't think I'm a slut, I am not. I am actually a virgin comparing to fucking Alice! She's a bitch and her pussy is used more than Google itself! Not to mention huge, but anyway, this isn't like, about Alice. This is so totally about me. And like, my love life, cuz thats far more important than Alice's big pussy. I thought guys liked smaller ones anyway…..And besides, Eddy, is like so much better looking than Jace. Anyway, I got out of bed and looked into my closet. I stared at it blankly not knowing what to wear. I wanted to impress Eddy today because it's, like, our 1 week anniversary and I want to look nice. I ended up wearing pink bra with white shorts and, like, this thing that you throw on your shoulders that was also white and also pink combat boots because those are, like, so fucking hot! And then I put on my make up. I wore some bright blue eyeshadow, its like neon blue, with green eyeliner and a lot of like, the black inky stuff, I forgot what it was called. Then I put on some blood red lipstick with bright pink lip liner, and brown foundation, cuz I'm black, you got a problem with that?! And then I put on some blush to make my cheeks look bigger. Then I put on some jewelry, and then I was like, done.

AN: Luk, omg, tell me if its good or somethin! leave me some god revows please cause like I want you to live this story! And thanks J, you're like my bff! thak you for hepin me with this sotry.. I mean this is fuckin aweome! we are goona make some $$$$ !


	2. Chapter 2

I went to school and I saw Eddy. He looked hot. He dyed his blonde hair pink just for me because he knew how much I loved that color. I looked at him and kissed him passionately right on the lips. The teacher told us that we had to stop, but I told him to go fuck himself because he didn't have anything better to do anyways. Anyway, after we were done frenching, we went to class, which was like, so boring. The teacher wanted us to learn about different cultures or some shit, but like, who needs that when you have USA?! Like, everyone else should try being as awesome as USA cuz we're like, the bomb or something. Like, OMG, we rock so hard, but not as hard as Eddy will rock me on the next full moon. We are like, so genna do it like, over and over.

Anyway, so like, during lunch this one chick came up to me, and was like, 'we want you to stop being so open about your physical relationship with Eddy. It's super gross. So, can you stop, or at least tune it down a knoch?' I rolled my emerald eyes at her, and flipped her the bird.

"You're just a wannabe loser. Go get a blowjob or something." She made this like, weird face at me, and shook her head. I think there was like, something in her hair…. or, like something…. and then, she like, turn around and left and sat and gave me a look and when I knew she was looking, I like, turned to Eddy and frenched him and then rubbed his dick.. It was hot! And then like, this chick came up to Eddy and spilled her soda on him or something and yelled "This is for all smart people in the world! I hope you obviously overused dick gets super stick and can't pull out of your bitch's vaginia so your stuck like that forever. That would teach you, or better yet, gets stuck in some other girl, so you two break up." The girl then shouted something like, burn in hellsfire, but I don't know where that is, it like, must be someplace in like, the east coast. Those guys are all like, nerds, and like, goths or something.

So like, the school was over now, and like, I had to go home, but I didn't want to because I wanted to french Eddy some more and we weren't on the same bus… Finally they called his bus and I cried because I wanted him so bad, but he had to go… and like, he left and I had my make up running down my face, but you couldn't see it cause I'm like, black. And when I got to my neighbourhood, I almost got like, ran over by this car. So I flipped him off, and like, shouted at him. But then I like, saw his face, and he was like sooooo hot. I felt an orgasim coming cuz he was so hot like Justin Beiber. He like, parked his car and got out of it, I was getting like, so hot. I couldn't control it and I shouted so that like, the whole neighbourhood can hear "I WANNA FUCK YOU" and then he smiled and kissed me and we totally did it in front of everyone in the back of his car. And he like, put his thingy into my thingy, and it hurt like crazy at first and I cried some more, but then it felt so good, so we spent the rest of the day doing it on his car, and then my phone rang, and I pushed him off.

"Get off of me you perv!" And then I ran home crying and stuff cuz I was like, just raped… And stuff…. My mom saw me crying even though I was black, because she knew when I was crying, because she's like, black too and she asked me why I was crying tears of mascara and I said that someone fucked me in the back of their car and she just smiled at me… that whore. Then she said its ok, cuz we're like, black and stuff, so like everyone wants to do it with us. And I just like yelled at her.

AN: OMG L! Tis is like, soo much fun1111! yur like, my besty!111 Givus sum god revoiws PLS!?


	3. Chapter 3

So like, after I screamed at my mom, we both started like, crying, but only we could see, cuz like, we we're the only blacks around, so everyone else thought we were laughing. And then like, Eddy called me. I picked up the phone and like, sorta snapped at him… I was sorta raped… and he like, didn't talk to me… And then I yelled at him because like, my rapist fucked me very well and Eddy doesn't even have the ability to get it up around me and stuff. I was like, so mad at Eddy. So like then, he came over and started patting my back and stuff, and told me it was ok. But I didn't want it to be ok, cuz like, I kept thinking of my like, rapist, and like, how hot he was. It made me start to orgamism just thinking of his hot face, but Eddy thought I was getting all hot and bothered because of him, so like, he pushed me down onto my bed, with a disgusted look. And then he like screamed at me and said that I was like, bypolar and that I have to make up what I fucking want. I don't even know what "bypolar" is.. I mean it's like a stipped on a pole? I mean like I AM NOT A STRIPPER I AM TOO PURE AND NOT SLUUTY TO DO THAT! I AM PURE! And like, I was mad and I yelled at him. And then he like, looked all sad and stuff, so I cried again. But it's not like he could see anyway. So anyway, I ran out of the room, and left the house, and like, bumped into someone… It was… Alice!11 I got so like, angry just looking at her face, and she just like, snickered at me. I fucking picked up a bick that was, like on the road and hit her face with it because I couldn't look at that bitch anymore and she started like, crying and I could see it cause she… well, you know, wasn't a nigger.. And like I hit her again and she cried more so I just kept hitting her until she was silent… I knew that she didn't die cause she was like a fairy too and she sparkled in the sun, but she didn't have abs so she just annoyed me and didn't look hot.

Anyway, after I was done, like, beating the shit out of her, I like, left her there, in the middle of a like, huge parking lot, and then she was ran over by like, four cars. I like, laughed my hot ass off. Then my rapist helped me put it back on. Cuz he likes blacks, even though he's a mexican, but like, a tall hot one. I came up to him and slapped him really hard and accused him of raping me and then he smiled at me and said that I liked it and then I killed him and found a 18-wheeler somewhere and ran him over to make sure that he was dead for like, for sure, you know? But he just stood right back up, and gave me this like, super hot look, and then I started getting hot again. Then we like, did it until Jace found us like, two days later, and I like, couldn't walk any more from all the fucking. And then like, Jace poured chocolate syrup on me and I did it with him too. I know how this looks, but I swear I'm not like, a slut. In order to be a slut you have to have sexxxxxx with at least seven people at, like the same time and I don't do that! I am NOT a slut, okay?!

I think that that day my whole pussy became like 5 times deeper because they fucked me so hard, but it fixed itself because I'm like, black and our pussies restore themselves. So then, like after they filled me up completely, I like, smacked them both and left them there. I like, can't believe they just like, raped me or something….. Like, a lot. But I liked it, but its like, still rape cuz I didn't want it or something. Eddy will be like, so happy that I stayed pure for him.

You know those surveys that you, like take and they, like tell you if you're this or not? Well I think that if there was one for virginity, I would get the "Mother Mary" cuz like I'm so fucking pure. I don't sin even. I'm just perfect. And I also hate that everyone is just like, so in love with me, cuz like, I WANT TO BE NORMAL AND I DON'T WANT TO BE RAPED ALL THE TIME, you know?! But mom says that cuz of my face, and cuz like, I'm black, thats not genna happen and stuff.

Anyways, Eddy and I totally made up after I went to his house, and gave him a hand job, cuz blowjobs are for sluts, and I'm still, like a virgin and stuff, and then we spent the rest of the night frenching. And then we did it cuz it was a full moon, and he was like, so hard and rough, like a dog or something. But it felt like, the best. And that didn't count as me losing my virginity, cuz he like, used EXTRA virgin oil before he fucked me, so I guess that makes me a virgin? But anyways, he only was able to keep it up for two minutes and then he orgasamed, but that was like, the best two minutes of my life. His thingy felt amazing inside my thingy and it didn't hurt as much as when I did it in the car with Mexican version of Justin Bieber. I don't even know what his actual name is… I mean he was like, my rapist, so like… I don't know… I actually noticed that Eddy was a lot faster and he kinda forced me to do it with him upside down. But I like, didn't care cuz like, I love him and stuff. And then I fell asleep with his thingy still inside my butt. But thats ok, cuz like, now he has my poop on his thingy, so its like a dog peeing on something, or something. So like, I own him like, now… He's MINE.

AN: OMG THANK YOU FOR YOUR WIKES AND LIEK I DIN'T THIN KANTONE WOULD LIKE THIS BYT THATNK YOU FOR LIKING THIS! J, THANKIES FOR YOR HELP, YOU'RE LIKE MY LOGE


	4. Chapter 4

So like, when I woke up the next morning, mom was standing in the doorway, and was like, frowning at me.

'I didn't know you were, like a slut.' And I was all like, I'm like so not a slut, and she was like, 'then why are there two men downstairs saying that they like, has sexxx with you and stuff? And I was like, whatever. She doesn't understand that both of them raped me and that Eddy used EXTRA virgin oil and like, I'm still a virgin and I am still as pure as a new born, you know? EW! Like I would have sexx with a baby…! I mean only if it's MY baby… but like, whatever.

So then I went to school. I wore the same make up as I did yesterday, but now, instead of blue eyeshadow I wore green with pink eyeliner cuz like, I have to look hot and shit. I wore this really cute dress that had pink flowers on it and green butterflies. I pulled my hair up cuz like, I liked it that way and it was annoying and getting all over my face and everywhere. When I came to school, Eddy pushed me into the nearest locker and made my head bleed which made me glad that my hair was pulled up cause like, I had blood everywhere now… But anyways, I had to go to like, the ER and I had to get like 15 stitches. When the doctor did the exray of my skull he was amazed cause like, he said there's no brain there, but I mean like, how's that possible, right? I mean I am talking and breathing and shit… I don't know, I think he's the one without a brain and shit…

After that I went home, and like, mom was eating something with a pizza on it, and I was like, save some for me, and she just looked at me with red sauce all over her face that was slowly gooing down her boobs and stood up. Then she like, walked over to me and stared at me, then went back to eating the thing next to the pizza. As I went to my room, Eddy was like, there and he was with Jace, my rapist and like, Alice. And it was like they were having a like, meeting or like, something. They told me that they didn't like me anymore, cuz I was like, a slut or something. But I'm like the only pure one there, right? Cuz I'm like, the one with virgin alive oil in my pussy, or something. And then mom came upstairs with the pizza, but it was like, huge and had ble on it, and hairs. And then she like, tackled Alice, and started making out with her, and then the Mexican like, totally filmed it, and Jace was like, totally getting off on it while Eddy kept screaming about dead being alive, and I was like, bitch please.

Then it like hit me, the ceiling like, fell through and it hurt a lot cuz like, I mean I had a bomb up there and it started like, counting down…

3.

2.

1.

…

AN: like, cliffy! OMG! I CANT LIKE, WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPPI, AND like Im the one riting it, with L! IM N by the way….LTR!


	5. Chapter 5

So, like, the bomb totally went off. I was like, so not surprised, cuz like, I knew it was actually a stink bomb. But like, for some reason, mom didn't like, stop making out with Alice. But like, Mexican stopped taking pictures, and like, fell over, and like, Jace and Eddy both fell over too. I like ran up to Eddy and started kissing him because I thought it would be apropirate since like, my mom is kissing Alice… But when I like, turned around, I noticed that Alice's face was like, torn off and she was missing a brain and I started laughing cause like, doctor should've seen Alice's head before he said anything about mine and stuff, but anyways, I like kept making out with Eddy and noticed that like, my mom is now making out with Jace and shit and I came up to her and called her a slut, but she like, didn't stop. I was like so angry until Alice stood up and like, started making out with Jace too. But I totally ignored them. But then, Eddy freaked out, and pushed me away and ran away screaming.

Not like I care, or like, something….Anyway, so like then I went downstairs, and left the house to go shopping, or like…. something….. And I noticed this like, random chick like started making out with like this other making chick and then the chick got up and ran and started making out with a random guy, but I was like, 'whatever' cuz like, there was a 50% discount at everything at freaking Crambie and Fitch and I needed to buy myself some more pure white clothes because I'm like, pure and hot. Anyway, when I was done shopping, I don't even know how long I was, but like the sun was down and it was dark and shit, but people were like running around and making out… Ugh, idiots, why are like, screaming? Do they like, not know how to do it? I don't know. But anyway, I got this super hot shirt that I was going to wear tomorrow, but like, when I got home, my house was like, burning. Why didn't mom tell me that she was making a bon fire? I would have like, totally invited hot guys over to make out. But not anything more, cuz I'm still a virgin and all…. And stuff. But like then, everyone else's houses caught fire, and the were all screaming and shit, but I was like, stop, cuz PDA is like, so gross, but only when others do it, cuz like, I'm perfect and when I make out it's totally hot and everyone is just like, jealous and stuff..

Anyway, so like after my house burned down, I was like, homeless and stuff.. I went to my neighbour's house and like chilled there cause like, he wasn't even in there… Looser probably fucking someone or something. Anyway, I woke up at like 10 and I went to school even though I was like, totally late, but I didn't care cuz like… Who needs school anyways, I mean like, what?! Anyway, there was like no one there though. And everyone was like, out partying and stuff, but I wasn't invited or something. Then I saw Eddy making out with my rapist, and having like, a foursome with like, Alice, and Jace and shit, and I was all like, What the fuck?! Then I like threw my purse at them, and like, ran away crying, but you couldn't see cuz I'm like super black now.

I spent the next week like, crying and I called up my best friend Bonnie and she like, didn't answer, WHORE! And I just stayed in like, my neighbour's house the whole time. He never came back home, so I was like, why not, you know? So then I like looked in the mirror and I noticed that I was like black and that scared me cause like, I never seen myself before and I never knew that I was _that_ black and that my teeth were yellow and shit, but like, whatever, I'm like, hot. But still, like, my eyes are like, turning red or some shit. Maybe I'm becoming like Eddy or something, cuz like, his eyes change color too….

Anyways, I look hot.

AN: I am like totally in love with this story cause like this is fureaking aweosme and stuff. J, you're awesome and I totally loves you 3


	6. Chapter 6

So like, I was so totally done with life, by like, the 8th day or whatever. 8 is before 6 right? Anyways, so like, after finding the mirror, I like couldn't look away cuz like, I'm hot and stuff. So I spent like, who the fuck cares how long, time there, just like, staring at myself. I was like, so happy. They like, I got hungry but I don't know how to cook, cuz thats for like, losers or something, and so like, I just ate whatever. But it was hard, cuz I couldn't look away from myself, even though its hard to see cuz I'm like, black and stuff, but I was still like, getting so hot by looking at myself. So then I like, kissed the mirror and then the mirror like, totally kissed me back and I realized that we were like so fucking in sync.. It was like a masterpiece!

So then I remembered that I had like bookface .. or is it facebook..? Fuck it, who knows. I got on my compooter and messaged one of my friends and it was like, awesome, but like no one ever replied… So like, I tossed my compooter across the room, and like screamed in my awesome niggar voice, cuz like I can do that cuz like, I'm black and shit. But its not like it even matters, cuz like, no one came running when I cried out or anything. Back in like, my day, everyone always came running at me when I like, screamed, cuz like, I'm super hot, but not in like warm way. I'm just you know, hot. Like this one time, there was this like, dude who when I screamed, walked up to me with a shotgun and like shot me about 50 times, but somehow I like, survived and the doctors said it was like a miracle or something, And I said like "duh, bitch, I'm a fucking miracle," you know?! Like damn, I am so hot.

Anyways, like let's not talk about my like, past or whatever, cuz like, I was less hot back then. But I've always been hot. So anyways, I like, stopped making out with the mirror, cuz like, I had better things to do, and then like, I noticed that my eyes were completely red. I was all like, what now? I'm like super hot. But it would be soooooo much like, hotter if they were like, hot pink ya know? So like, then there was a bang downstairs, and I like opened the bathroom door, and there was like a pool of blood or something like that… I just looked at it and looked at like the toilet and I said "i'm sorry, I know periods hurt" and it like, looked at me all nice and stuff and I like totally smiled back and then I like came up to it and started to make out cause like, it's awesome and shit… And then all of the sudden someone stabbed me in the back and I was like "what the fuck?!" you know? I mean it's not nice to stab someone in the back while they're making out! But when I turned around, it was like, this hot guyette with like, red eyes and blonde hair. I would like totally do her, if you know, I wasn't too hot and black for her. And I only like guys anyways. Girls just aren't hot enough. Then like, I like, fainted. Cuz if you couldn't tell, I'm like a lady or something. But like a black lady? Cuz regular ladys are like white, and I'm like, black. Its genetic or something. But anyways, I like totally looked into her red eyes and I don't know, the toilet still seemed hotter to me… I mean, yaaaa. So I like looked at it and went back to making out with it cause like, it's bootiful and hot and stuff. But then I like totally back at her and she started eating my neck.. It made me like, so not hot. I thought guys were turned on by this, but like, I know guys. Even though I'm a extra virgin and shit, but like, this wasn't hot. So I like, tried to push her away, but she was like super strong, which was like, kinda hot but not really, and it like hurt. So then I started crying but she couldn't tell cuz she's not black, and then I suddenly missed my mom, even though she was like, a bitch, but like a black whore bitch.

I like hate my mom a lot cuz like she's really black. I mean like, REALLY black.. I am like black and hot, but she's like ugly black… and like I don't know she's just terrible. So anyway, then I like, saw some sparkles in the air above me, and it was like, so beutiful and shit, so I like, didn't mind that the blondy was like, still kissing my neck. Cuz like, the sparkles reminded me of Eddy. And then I started crying again, cuz like, I missed Eddy a lot, and then I remembered that Eddy was like cheating on me, that whore. Finally, I just got sick and like, tired of this girl kissing my neck, so I like, punched her right in the throat and she like, died or something. Anyways, I like, looked at her and ate her whole body and then I walked towards the door, but there's a mirror there and I like had to stop and look at myself and then I got lost in my eyes and I was like so damn hot… And thats when this other guy showed up, I think he said his name was Emmett or something. And he was like, like a bear. He was tall and all ripped, and it was like super, like hot, and I like so wanted to like, have sex with him, but I can't cuz I'm a virgin. And like, I'm saving myself for Eddy. But Emmett was like so hot. So I like totally came up to him and sucked his dick… And like, he cried out in like, pleasure or pain. I think I like bit him or something… Then he like, shot me in the face, and I like, went to heaven.

AN: So like! This took me so long to coplete! But its awesome, so like, enjoy! as always thanks to my bestie for helping wit this, and like, you the bomb!1


	7. Chapter 7

So like, heaven wasnt what I like, totally thought it would be or something, cuz it was like, gray and shit. I like, looked around and like, my cat was hissing at me… he died like, before I was ever born…. So like, I punched that bitch, cuz like only Eddy can hiss at me and thats only when we're like, in bed or whatever. I like when Eddy hisses at me cuz like, it turns me on a lot, but sometimes he gets carried away and like, bites me really hard and like, I bleed for hours, but it's okay because I'm hot. But that was like, before, cuz now I don't love Eddy anymore I love Emmett cuz he's almost as hot as me, but he's white so not as hot as me cuz I'm black and he's white. I was actually white before, but then a lightning hit me and fried me from inside out and I became black and I think I look a lot hotter this way… I mean I was FRIED! What's hotter than that? Besides like, ice or something, cuz ice is so hot it melts stuff, thats what they say at school. But like, people never listen in school, so they all think that ice is cold or something, but I like ice, so it's gotta be like, hot….. and stuff, or something. But like, I don't know, Eddy once told me that he doesn't like me because I'm black and then all of the sudden I see that memory in my brain as I'm looking at that hissing cat and I killed it and it went like, somewhere… or something like that… And then I remembered that fucking doctor who said I didn't have a brain or something, and I like, licked the dirt cuz it made me mad…...Cuz I like so totally have a brain or whatever. Anyways, as I was going up into the heavens, I became white again and I started crying because I liked being black and everyone made fun of me there because they could now see that I was crying and I started crying louder and I think like God heard me because my crying. He like, looked down at me and frowned at me, but if I was black, he would smile. Then he like, said something.

"You! You are not allowed here! Begone heathen, back into Hades, where all the white people go! For thou art no longer black!" and I like screeched "BUT WHY?!" and the tears ran down my face, but you couldn't see it because it's dark in Heaven and there was no light, but as soon I was thrown into the Hades, you could see the tears and I was ashamed. But then, like this hot guy showed up and he grinned at me, and said "Wanna hear a joke?" and I like, kept crying, so he got angry and like, flipped me off and stuff. Then he started to walk away and I like, looked up and he was black and I was like "what are you doing here? I thought only white people went to Hades," and he liked looked at me like I was an idiot or something and smiled with his yellow teeth and said "that's because your Heaven is southern, and I'm a demon," and I like, started to check him out cuz I was feeling horny. He looked at me with pure disgust and punched me in the face. And he like, got away with it, cuz like, I'm white now or something, but then I like bit his leg and he kicked me and then we got into like, this huge battle or something, and like he kept trying to kill me or something, but like, I like didn't die cuz I'm dead, and then I like, magically turned black again cuz like, something happened or something.

I looked up at him with my perfectly emeraldy greenish eyes and all of the sudden he smiled at me and we fucked. But it didn't matter anymore, cuz like, a dead person can't stop being a virgin, if you like, die a virgin or whatever. He was soooooooooooooooo goood! I never felt like that before, Eddy was terrible comparing to this guy and Emmett was even worse so I stop for a second and look into his golden eyes and whisper "I love you and I don't even know your name, demon." He like, stared down at me before he started laughing, and then he like, pulled his thingy out of my thingy and like, flew away. I was in like, shock, you know? I mean I was never left like this before and I started crying again and all of the sudden I became white again and started crying harder and harder until… I died in Hades. And then I like, got sleepy so I like, wandered off to find a bed, but the space between my legs hurt like, alot so I fell face first into the dirt and cried myself to sleep.

AN: LEK OMG!1 WAHT A CHAPETER THOOOOO! THAKS J FOR HELPING ME and to you, one hater, fuck you! There's a she talks like that and it's because she's BLACK! JEEZ get a life!


	8. Chapter 8

So like, when I woke up or something, like I don't even know, cuz like, there were black people all over. Maybe I went back to heaven or some shit, cuz like I'm black and shit. The like, best like, part was that they were like, all naked and like… stuff or something. So like, naked and black. I must be like, in heaven or something, and if you think I was white, your like wrong! Just like, let me be black! Or something!1

I looked around me and I only saw black chicks and like, they were doing stuff.. That I would _never_ do because I'm a virgin. I stood up and walked around and I felt really lonely… Then, in the croud, I saw my lover… The toilet, I made out with him so much and he came to find me… Through Hades, through heaven.. We were reunited once again. Was it destiny or was it fate? Or was God black now and sided with me? Cuz, I was like, so hot that he would like, do that. Like, is God a guy? Cuz, like I couldn't tell cuz of like, the long hair and stuff.

But like anyway, it's not like it matters, cuz like, I'm the only girl that matters, cuz like, I'm a hot black girl.

But, like, anyways, I ran toward Toilet and he ran to me and we like, met halfway and started to like, make out… He was _the best_ I've ever had!1 I can't even!11 But like, its not like I ever slept with anyone else, cuz like now that I'm dead, I'm like, a super super extra alive (I know I'm dead, but like, it still counts!1) virgin or something.

I know you might now understand, this, even I do not fully comprehend it, but I truly believe that Mr. Toilet and I were meant to be! I know that he is an inanimate object, but he is a toilet! He'll never reject the things I give him, or put him through, he would accept it all. I understand that it is irrational to think that he will love me back, but at least we are a compatible couple. As long as we are together, we are happy. Maybe, one day, Mr. Toilet will accept my proposal and will marry me and we will live happy ever after.. Although the possibilities for that are slim, considering the odds. But as they say; may the odds be ever in your favor. All one can do is plan for the future, and hope for the best. I ran towards Mr. Toilet and from the corner of my eye I notice the most unfortunate looking man riding a bear. I stopped running towards my beloved, to stare at the bare chested man, who was riding bareback on a grizzly. I called out to him,

"Who art thou, strange man, riding on thy bear?" He turned his pale icy blue eyes at me, and I felt shards enter my heart. He spoke in the most angelic voice my ears have ever had the pleasure of absorbing. He had a beautiful accent that I couldn't put my finger on.

"Hello, beautiful angel that must have been sent by God Himself. What can I do for you, dear?" I grasped at my overly large bosom, and fell to my knees in delight. He had spoken to me! My angel from heaven, who did descend on a manly furry large dog, hath decided that I, thee unworthy one, art worth retort. I prostrate myself at my Lord's airborne feet, and found myself face to face with his steed, who had nasty breath, like omg, it was like, gross! Or like, something! And he like looked at me all nice and stuff and I thought he looked all perverted and stuff. I got up and yelled "ew!1 Is that a _bear_? What the FUCK?" He like, looked at me with like, disgust or something and I like got sad or I dont even know. Then I started screaming as it hit me that there was a _live bear_ in front of me and I started running away. You could tell I like, totally listen during class, cuz like, they always like, teach you to run from like, the scary stuff or something. Then I like, totally noticed my like, lover boy! He was like, standing close by, so like I forgot about the teddy behind me, and like, jumped at toilet. He like, barfed or something, but like, I didn't mind because we're in love or something like that. So like, the dude on the bear looked at me and was like "What an unfortunate young lady. I now see that you are a conspicuously obese glutton, without a buttock-rimming scourge of decency." and like ran off on his bear into the river or something like that.

AN: like, yeay!11 we like, finaly updated! i like, know yall were waiting for this sht so here ya go! anyway, thanks to my bfffffffff!


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9:

But anyway, its like, not like I even care or anything. Cuz, like, I was only sobbing sadly at the thought of him leaving me, but like, that like, doesn't make sence right? Cuz I like, don't even love him like I love toilet….Or shit… Oh my gawd… I just realized something… Toilet is not the love of my life, it's the thing that's in him… You know? I mean, like, it's not what on the outside what matters it's what's on the inside. I think Gandalf said that at one point and he's old so he knows what he's talking about… Like, anyway. You know that thing? Like, inside of toilet? And sometimes it it like, resembles the aliens, from like, alien v s preditor? Well, that is like, what I was like, always looking for in like, my man toy.

But anyway, after the guy, I like, don't even know or like who he was, like, at all. But like, after he left, I was crying again, but you can't see cuz I'm black again, though not as black as before so you can like, kinda see it.

But anyway, I was happy that I was next to my shitpot. I kissed him and he smiled, but then he barfed and I had all of his shitty-goodness on me, but you couldn't see it cause I'm like, black and stuff. I smelled amazing… I always thought I needed a perfume, but I could never find the perfect scent for me, and this was it! I couldn't thank my little shittybunny enogh. But like, enough about him, cuz like, I'm stil better. It's not like he's like, Eddy or anything. Then I like, got all sad and stuff cuz like, I suddenly, like, suddenly missed Eddy. I like, wiped my eyes, and like, my eyelashes all fell out! Like, what the fuck right? I then totally started crying even harder, cuz like, now I didn't love shitpot, or toilet, or that super smexxxxxy guy on the big dog, or my like, Rapist, or even like, whats his face Jace or whatever. I like, just love Eddy, cuz like, he's my soul mate.

I ran away from the toilet then because I realized who mostest true love is… Eddy, my love, I'm coming!

AN: Like, that' slike, all folks. I know it was like short but you have to deal cuz i dont feel ok right now, and i am sad. thats like why this chapter twas so sad. but the end is so not cuming up so like keep looking forward to it!


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10:

I like, have _no _idea where I am anymore. Cuz like, I was running and running and looking for Eddy, but I couldn't find him. I only saw ugly hoes everywhere, so like, I ran them all over with a hummer, then I went back to looking for Eddy cuz like, I found Alice, and she said that Eddy was genna kill himself in Russia or like, something! So I like, gotta save him, like from himself you know? Cuz we're like, just that kind of lovers. You dont understand cuz you don't have Eddy, I have Eddy, not you, so like back off or shit!

In school, they told me that if you what to find North, just follow the biggest star, and I mean the biggest star is the Sun, so I thought I should like, follow the sun and maybe I'll get there because that's like where Russia is… I follow the sun for days and days, but for some reason, I ended up in like, the same place so I just figured I was already in Russia. Cuz like, that would make so much sence. But like, everyone was wearing wierd towels on their heads, and there were like, horses with humps on their backs, and everything. So like, this one guy with dark skin, but not as black as mine, came up to me and starting saying something, but I like shouted at him.

"Like, I can't speak the ching chong language, so like just point me towards Paris, cuz like I heard it's the capital of Russia!" But he just kept speaking some shit, so like, I bitch slapped him so hard his humpy horse growled. Then a lot like, more of the serbians showed up, and they started speaking the ching chong language, and I like held up my hands and they like, pulled out long metal black dicks at me. The looked like this one thing a guy once shot me with, but I am like, too hot to be shot. so obviously they want to like, rape me and stuff. I just waited for it cuz, like, I'm sexually frustrated. I stood there with my hands up and I felt this most amazing pain all over my body and I started moaning and I think they kinda looked confused but I begged for more and more. Finally, some dude got out this thing with many little dicks and it started making the most pain but I was happy. This is the most amazing thing I've felt in my entire life since Eddy. I felt the most amazing feeling…. then, a beared man showed up. It was that guy! On the fuzzy cow! So like, he stared at me in like, awe or some shit, and I like, held out my hand to him. I didn't know what gang bang meant before, but since there's all these loud bangs going on and there's this gang around me, so now I know. But he like, didn't want to join the gang bang of pleasure, and just stayed there staring at me. I sighed, like happily or something. And then the australians started running away with their towel heads and fat big humped sheep, while screaming in some southern tongue. And the like, bear guy turned and tried leaving me too, but like, I ran after him happily, cuz I want to have more pleasure. And like, I feel like he didn't get the chance to enter my sacred extra virgin temple when we were at the river, and I thought I was like, in like, love with toilet or something.

The man turned around and his blue eyes looked into my soul and I became the most happiest little girl on earth. His piercing gaze made me feel completed and I felt the joy of life again. I looked at him and he looked at me and I felt this slight tingling feeling in my nerves and smiled and he smiled back. I thought that maybe there's something there, but he just turned around and left and I was left standing there, alone. I looked down and I realized that I was glowing. Oh, God, please, have mercy on me. I beg pardon for all the sins I hath transgressed. I will do better… I was white again. This change of skin tone, it means that I was given a second chance at life, and at being a good person. That is what it means to be white skinned. As a negro I was selfish, and a brat. I did not know the way of God, who is white, and thus, I was as a demon. But I was forgiven, so my first order of business as a newly born child of Heaven, was to find my beloved blue eyed man on the fine bear steed. I hurried at a breakneck speed in the direction he left in, but no matter how fast I ran, my body refused to be graced with his retreating figure. And what a figure it was, all fine. It tickle in all the wrong ways. I ran for miles and miles when finally, I have been found by my shooters earlier and I realized that they were shooting me. I looked around for a way to escape, but there was none. I was surrounded. I looked at them and asked for mercy. The main guy said something negative in his native tongue, took out a rifle… My whole, pathetic life flashed before me… I looked at the sun for the last time, closed my eyes and bang…

AN: I know, such cliffhanger, but it's okay. I will update sometime soon. Hope you enjoyed. I also just realized that this is our 10th chapter. I just wanted to thank all of you who stuck with us through it all. I feel so blessed to have fans like you.. We are the luckiest people in the world... Again. Thank you.


	11. Chapter 11

For days upon days, I searched for my beloved bear riding Man, but alas, I was unable to discover him. I was beyond exhaustion, but I urged my sore feet forward in the hope that one day we would meet again. After about a week passed, the hunger was too much to control, and so I almost unwillingly stopped near some cacti and water. Unfortunately the water was of a reddish brown tint, and so I deemed it unsuitable for the human consumption. But if my knowledge serves me, cacti have fresh water within, and they also bear edible plants. I know not what kind of cacti it was, but I was sure that it was going to take care of my hunger that only grew stronger as minutes passed me. I tore it out of the ground and cleaned it off from the dirt. I really wasn't sure how to eat such a prickly vegetable. I looked at the water again and decided to try boiling the cacti. After hours of trying to figure out how to do that, I finally succeeded. I made myself some amazing tea and drank it as fast as I could. It helped with the hunger and the thirst, to which, God, I am thankful.

After I finished my beverage, I walked some more to find a sleeping spot that would keep me safe from Mother Nature. I discovered a level rock, of a high elevation, not far from my watering hole. I curled up into a ball and fell into a deep slumber. What followed is beyond understanding, or human comprehension. It started with the rainbow. I was sliding down it with a small ginger man in my lap. At the bottom of the rainbow was a large pot of gold, filled to the brim with gold fish. We landed, and I heard a loud crunch. To my undying horror, another ginger midget was lying now crunched, under my feet. I turned away from the unholy sight, and then found myself sitting at a tea table. One quite similar to the one I used to have, before I first turned black. Eddy was there, and he was shouting. But I could not hear him. The dream then moved to a different place, and I found myself looking down on my body. A chill went down my spine as it acquired to me that I was watching myself sleep. Then, the gruesome part begins. A small young wolf crawled over to my body, and sniffed it. After a moment or two, he opened his mouth, and started eating my arm. I screamed, but felt no pain. I could only wish for myself to wake from this nightmare. Soon other creatures joined the small wolf, and devoured my body, until only a few bones were left. I was startled. Was this going to be my future? Was this going to be what happens to me and how I go? I didn't know what to think or how to feel. I tried to think and couldn't. I felt as if I were black again, but I was white. I am scared. I don't like it. I don't like to feel powerless. I need to feel powerful again.

I thought that it was time to take control. I picked up a stick and made it sharp. I stabbed the baby wolf right in the heart and kept stabbing it over and over again until there was nothing but a big pool of blood with bits of meat in it. I wasn't satisfied. It decided that everyone should die. _Anyone and everything that crosses my path __**shall **__and __**will**_ _die. _

AN: I would apologize for the long wait on this chapter, but since no one seems to be reading it, I won't. It is pointless to apologize for nothing, wouldn't you agree? Well, asking you something is also pointless now that I think about it. Anyway, until next time.


	12. Chapter 12

I awoke on the same rock that I fell asleep on. I looked around and saw an entire pack of wolves devoured into pieces and realized that it wasn't just a dream. I picked up the biggest pieces of meat and shoved them into my mouth, raw. I ate the baby wolf first and then moved onto the rest of the pack.

The taste of the raw flesh, and the warmth from the still cooling blood only sated my desire for digestables for a mere moment, and then it came back with the force of a raging storm. I closed my eyes in contemplation, but alas even that eluded me. I stood from my bloody throne, and walked amongst the bones of the fallen. Twas a gorey site, although my more animalistic nature found it quite amusing. After exiting the battle field, I wandered aimlessly for some time before coming across a snow ridden mountain range. I was starving. I didn't know what it is that my stomach desired; it was something new, something I haven't encountered. It was something… Human. I looked at the mountains and I really didn't feel like walking anymore, but I had to find that delicacy. I wanted it and I was going to find it. I am determined.

I looked around to see the easiest way to avoid the range head on, but there was nothing besides turning back around. I reassured myself that this is the best way to go and there's no way that I was going give up on finding that food.. and my beloved.

I trudged up the mountain with a weary expression, and a heavy heart. Until recently, I had not the knowledge that I had a heart, or a brain for that matter. In fact, I believe that the time I spent before I came across the beast-riding god, I was merely a zombie with a thirst for sex. Instead of flesh, I wanted what manhood had to offer. It was a long jog up the stoney path I had carved for myself with nothing but my own fingers, and then, to my utter joy, I found a goat path. It was small and obviously hadn't been used for years, much like Kristen Stuard's emotionless expression -_-

As I was hiking up the abandoned path, I got lost in my own thoughts. I had so many… I thought about my mother making out with that slut. I thought of Mexican Justin Bieber and how amazing he was in the back seat. I thought about how I met that man with his piercing blue eyes. I thought about becoming white and then black and then white again…. I thought about my undying love for Eddy and finally I thought about hunger.

When my day dreaming was over, I was standing on the edge of a cliff. I realized that I almost stepped off of it and fell down and which would've been to my most certain death. I looked up to the heavens and thought how great would it be if I _did_ die here and it would all be over, but I snapped out of it, turned around and ran away with the speed of light. If I had been of more sound mind at that time, I would have noticed the man standing in the shadows. I would have seen the sun reflecting off of his many colored hair, browns, golds, blondes and even reds. I would have noticed his eyes, black with hunger.

As I ran down the path, I failed to see the tree root sticking out of the ground and tripped right over it. I skidded for many feet before finally stopping in front of stone house. It was a very big house, with a thatched roof and a broken door. Hunger and weariness overcame my better judgement and I made my way to the imposing building with the hopes of food and a good night's rest. I have never been more wrong than in that moment. Lack of a brain, meant that I lacked the knowledge to understand what allergic reaction is, or even what I am allergic to. It is rats. I am allergic to rats. And I only found out the hard way after a big pile of those nasty animals.

As I finished my, at the time, nice dinner, I looked around the place and I found a bed. I was awoken when I couldn't breathe. I looked at my skin that was now becoming black again. I tried to scream, but I couldn't. My airway was blocked. I thought I was dying. I thought that this was the end. I said goodbye to this world. As the time went on and I wasn't dying, I realized that I was already dead. I was a zombie. I wasn't going to die. This isn't the end.

I walked out of the house to encounter my blue-eyed man waiting for me outside with a double barrel shotgun pointed right at me. I was surprised. I was shocked. He looked right at me and said in his thick, beautiful accent

"I am doing this for this entire world, FOR MOTHER RUSSIA!"

I was truly confused. I lifted my hands to show I meant no harm, but he did not understand the gesture. He counted down, from what I imagine, was three and then, then he pulled the trigger.

The shot rang out throughout the entire forest, loud and clear, and then silence. The birds did not sing, the squirrels did not chatter as they threw objects at unsuspecting humans, the wolves did not howl. All was right in the world.

And then she died.

AN: This is a personal goodbye from the both of us: L, and J. Please do read, for it is our final farewells, ones we give freely. Unlike poor Isabella Red Sparkle Flower Swan, who was killed off without a second's notice.

L: Goodbye the fellow haters and fans. I had a great time writing this for you. It was heart breaking at times and at others, I couldn't stop laughing. This is the most personal experience with my best friend J. This brought us so much closer. Our friendship will never be the same. I hope that this story taught you something deep within. I hope that this was as awarding of an experience as it was for me. I hope you share it with the world and sing it in your sleep and whisper "Isabella Red Sparkle Flower Swan," because she is amazing.

Don't, please don't be offended by anything said in this story. It _is_ a parody. I love insulting everything and everyone I know/see. I love it. I insult myself. I love it! So don't take any of this personally.. that's just stupid. Goodbye, farewell. Enjoy the rest of your pathetic lives.~

J: Adieu mon cheries, I had a wonder time telling the story of this fabled young woman, who is rather popular in today's culture. I myself have not a care for her, but no matter. I wish to express my gratitude to you all, my beloved readers, for enjoying such a fine piece of work as this. As I am sure you realized the meaning of this tale, and I hope that none of you actually took offence to such a silly, and obviously stupid parody. The meaning of us two writing this was as follows: We both hate Twilight, and everything it did to the vampire nation. And I, personally, like to make fun of every possible subject that no one else dares to insult. You see insulting is my nature. Anywho, I want you all to know that if you are offended by what was written here, I do hope you fall off a cliff, squash your own mother to death, and then die from lack of humour on your way to the hospital. Fare thee well~


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